It’s that time of year….parent-teacher conferences.  I usually dread these things.  Not because my daughters aren’t brilliant, well-behaved little angles (which of course they are not!)  But because I take it all personally.  It’s not their report card, it’s mine.  It’s just another way my “working mommy guilt” rises to the surface.

This recent round of conferences is not different that previous ones.  The girls are doing great.  We have challenges with homework, the older one does things really fast, just like me.  She’d rather have it done, than have it done correctly.  My Mom, also a working mom, always told me, “Slow down and you’ll go faster.”  Meaning that I wouldn’t have to redo something and take more time in the long run. I’ve finally learned that lesson and I’m trying to pass it along to my daughters.  She’s getting it, but slowly, I mean she’s only 8 1/2.

Sharing these lessons is really interesting to me.  My girls love to hear stories about my husband and I when we were little.  They love to hear about when we were “bad” and got in trouble.  I use these examples to help them understand what not to do…or at least to understand the consequences if they choose to do something they know is wrong (like telling us they have finished their homework, and they haven’t…or saying that the teacher didn’t give homework that day.)  At this age they are still open to learning from us.  I better take advantage of that while I can.

As for “our” report cards…we got all “+”.  Good for us.

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With the economy in the tank, more and more stay-at-home-moms are having to return to work.  Whether by choice, or by necessity, it is not an easy decision.  Nor is it an easy transition.  I’ve asked around and have heard very similar feedback from moms who are returning to work:

I need to work, but I don’t know what I want to do.

Who is going to hire a Mom?

My skills aren’t relevant anymore.

Give yourself some credit!!!  There are great resources out there to help women return to the workforce.  Check out ZoomJobs resource section full of ideas.  There are also specialty firms that help women find flexible work arrangements - check out Flexperience Consulting.  There is also this great pick-me-up article from Leslie Morgan-Steiner.

All of us Moms need to stick together and help each other when and where we can.  Yeah Moms!

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I refuse to begin this year with a list of resolutions that will be discarded by the end of the month. This year, I am beginning the new year with a promise–to be healthy.  I will pay more attention to what I put into my mouth and move my body more–and I’m taking my family with me on the journey. As a working mom, planning and cooking an elaborate dinner is often a challenge.  Throw in my husband’s busy work schedule, basketball/play/piano/baseball practices and games, and dinner every night together is nearly impossible.  Having a nutritious healthy dinner is even harder.  I promise to find a way to make healthier meals for my famiIy–less frozen and processed food–and figure out a way for us to eat together.  Maybe breakfast is the meal we share because we’re all home together at that time. Whatever the case, I promise to eat a healthy nutritious meal with my family every day.

A few years ago I discovered the joy of exercise–and by discovered, I mean that I finally realized why people wanted to exercise instead of dreaded it.  In fact, I find that working out out makes me feel better, and I am a much nicer person when I have had the chance to exercise regularly. My family appreciates the difference in me, and I have more energy and patience with them. I promise to make exercise fun and to spend more time with my family hiking, biking, throwing the ball–whatever–as long as we are moving our bodies together.  Working moms often feel guilty for taking time for a workout because it cuts into family time.  I say by working out every day, my family time is better because I am better.  I can only imagine the possibilities of sharing the benefits of exercise with my family. We’ll all feel good and have more energy and patience.  I can’t think of a better way to start the year!

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I’m writing this post from the beach in Belize…yep, it’s tough. But I have to tell you it’s been a learning experience for me. As a consultant, executive editor and author, I don’t really get to take vacation. If my clients or authors need me, I need to be there. Otherwise, they lose confidence and I lose business. And in this economy that’s not a happy thought.

I’ve been struggling between “working” via an inconsistent internet connection and spending time with my family - which is what this whole thing is about. The reason I started my own business(es) was so I could have more flexibility and spend more time with my husband and kids.

So this week has been interesting: complete a marketing plan for a client or go snorkeling? Edit a manuscript or build sand mermaids? I eventually did what I always do…give up sleep in order to do both. Hmmm. Yes I managed to do everything I wanted to do, but did I enjoy them to the fullest? Was I really in the moment, or was I distracted by that other thing calling to me… I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to answer this question. For now, I will continue to enjoy the moments as they come.

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Yesterday was awesome. We dropped the girls off at Grammy’s house for lunch. Then my husband and I went out to our favorite restaurant for lunch and then did some wine tasting. We met the girls and we all went to see “Marley & Me”. In case you haven’t seen it, it is about life, love and family (including a crazy dog named Marley).

What I found most interesting about the story was the real-life-ness of it. Jennifer Aniston (the Mom) makes a choice to stay at home to raise her kids, but she struggles with the decision - and thinks she is a bad person because she struggles with it. Owen Wilson (the Dad) initially takes a back seat to Aniston’s career until they have kids and she stays at home. The film shows the challenges of living your life…working, not working, having kids, having a relationship, going nuts from all of it.

Whether you work, stay at home or some combination of both…life is life and we need to enjoy it and embrace it. I did that yesterday. I enjoyed my husband, my kids, my Mom and myself. Not bad….

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Why do people get sick over the holidays? Last year it was my Mother-in-law who was in the hospital over Christmas. My husband and his sisters were there 24×7 as she tends to lose it when she’s in the hospital (once she tried to “escape” with a potted plant, her purse and her IV bag.)

This year it is my Dad. He is medically a mess…Parkinsons, Emphyzema, and Congestive Heart Failure. Three weeks ago he was still living at home driving my Mom crazy (as usual), walking up stairs and living life, albeit much slower than before. Today, he is in a nursing home, on oxygen, unable to stand and can barely talk.

Us working moms of a certain age (I’m 41) are starting to face the fact that our parents are aging. I have two school age daughters, and now my Dad requires more care and attention than ever before. My Mom, bless her heart, is a wreck but she won’t admit…because she’s always been a working mom. She has always had a job to do. Recently it was taking care of my Dad. Now that he’s in a nursing home, she’s struggling, she’s worried and she’s afraid.

It certainly adds a unique perspective on Working Motherhood…it never ends. It just changes.

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President-Elect Obama is already hard at work and has been busy selecting the members of his Cabinet. I found it rather interesting that he would purposefully choose people who might disagree with him, in other words, “No Men” rather than “Yes Men”–heck, he even selected a couple of “No Women” for that matter. Of course that makes for a very healthy working relationship–a true leader genuinely seeks the counsel of his staff and accepts the proferred advice with consideration and thoughtfulness.  A room full of nodding heads like bobble dolls is not a productive or enriching environment for the President of the United States.  I get it.  I, on the other hand, the President of the small kingdom I like to call My House, would much prefer a Cabinet, make that a House, full of “Yes Men,” bobbing heads and all. Let’s face it, how many times in any given day do I hear “no” to the simplest of requests from the Men in my house? “Can you take out the garbage, please? Turn down the television. Please do your homework. Stop hitting/biting/taunting/torturing your brother.” The list goes on. Worse still is the dreaded “in a minute,” answer which is the first cousin of “No.”  I can’t imagine President Obama asking his Cabinet for advice and them answering “in a minute, Mr. President.” Not gonna happen. So, Mr. President and I differ greatly in our leadership styles and choices. He appears to like his Cabinet members and their differing views, and I would definitely prefer a House full of “Yes Men” or better yet, “Yes, Ma’am, Men.”

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This being the week of Thanksgiving, I felt it only right to take a moment to reflect on all the things I am thankful for this holiday season.  In true David Letterman fashion, I devised a Top Ten of Thankfulness.  Here they are in no particular order:

• Family and friends
• My health and the health of my family
• French fried onion rings in a can–preferably topping green bean casserole
• Cranberry sauce shaped like a can
• Thanksgiving vacation (no packed lunches, homework, and whining about bedtime)
• College football
• Hand-wash only heirloom dishes, taken down from the top shelf, and my best crystal
• My dog’s cold wet nose and sparkly brown eyes
• Two boys who still love hugs and kisses
• The start of the Christmas countdown!

These are my top ten…what are yours?

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Raise your hand if you are guilty of compulsively helping (doing) your child’s projects.  I am not referring to their daily homework–I am talking about the special projects teachers assign kids that ultimately involve extreme parental supervision/participation.  I am currently typing with my hand in the air, by the way.  My third grader and I have just completed his “Cultural Doll” project.  He was given a 14-inch paper doll to dress in traditional clothes from his heritage.  For starters, we are mutts of Scotch-Irish descent.  Deciding which culture to research was the first challenge. Motivating my son to design clothes and dress a doll was the other.  I said, “What if we dressed the doll in a kilt? You know, a skirt.” His eye roll was audible. “OK, a manly skirt, and the man goes commando and carries a large dagger.” Now I had his attention. “Do I have to wear a kilt?” he asked.  I assured him that only the doll had to wear a skirt; he just had to design it.  Again with the eye roll.  So, I helped him with the research; and I helped him pick out the cloth and buttons for the costume; and I helped him make patterns and cut out the clothes.  I had to help him cut out the patterns because he’s not a very good cutter; and, well, the glue is messy, so I helped with that, too.  OK, I helped a lot.  But he made the face–and even if the eyes are a little wonky, and the eyebrows are querulously perched at 45 degree angles over the eyes, which have rather large bags under them, and the mouth is crazily crooked–it’s all his work.  Now if I could only be there  for the presentation, which is part of the grade. I really want an “A,” and I’m hoping he doesn’t blow it for us!

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I realize that all teenagers think their parents are dumb and out of it.  Since children seem to be growing up faster these days, then the “tweens” must share this same attitude.  My oldest son is 11, and he is right. I am not as smart as him–BUT–that does not make me dumb either. I consider myself to be somewhat knowledgeable of technical devices such as computers and electronics.  Does it matter if occasionally I have to ask my son not only where the remotes are for the television but how to use them?  Not dumb.  What if I stumble upon a software error while trying to run three programs at once, or gosh forbid, a true virus invades my computer, and I have to ask my son how to run the virus scan.  Not dumb. What if I don’t know how to turn on the Wii.  Not dumb.  (Okay, that’s a conscious choice. I don’t want to know how to turn on the Wii).  My point is that I am embracing my son’s perception of me and using it to my advantage. He loves the fact that he can rescue me from computer crashes and software glitches.  He can show me how to turn on the television using no less than three remotes.  I love the fact that I can count on him for low-cost IT support and computer maintenance help. Maybe I should forget how to wash my car or how to take out the trash, too.  I’m such a dummy…!

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